Sunday, March 07, 2010

Live Blogging The 2010 Oscars, 7pm - 9pm

Because... why not?

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2050: Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds). I was right.

Speech: Grateful and short. 8 outta 10.

@ebertchicago Lip-reading Stanley Tucci: "No hope."

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2040: If your personal Oscar drinking game included pounding one back every time the hosts made a cheap "hey! There's [actor]! Glad to see you here! [insert pish movie-related joke here]!!" then you might want to call for an ambulance now. If you're lucky, you won't be dead by the time the paramedics get there. This is the best they've got for an international broadcast, supposedly celebrating the movie industry's best of the best? Really?

@JElvisWeinstein Kind of a "Company Christmas Party" approach Steve and Alec bring to the proceedings.

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2037: My brother in law just described steve martin and alec baldwin's entrance onstage as "the most lavish civil ceremony you're ever likely to see".

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2035: Aha! So "what promises to be the greatest opening to an academy awards ceremony in decades" turned out to be Dougie Howser singing a barely smile-raising song slightly off-key. Good start then, eh?

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2032: Prediuctons, round 5.

BEST PICTURE

Should Be: Up or District 9 - Will Be: Bloody Avatar

BEST DIRECTOR

Will Be: James Cameron (Avatar) - Should Be: Any bloody other film than bloody Avatar.

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2030: I would love to one day walk down the red carpet at the Oscars. I'd look awesome in my new suit, waving to people, taking in the atmosphere. And when one of these vacuous nobodies jams a microphone in my fizzog and says "ooh! Squeal! Spike Nesmith! eeee! Who are you wearing tonight?" I can smile, take a deep breath, and say, "I bought it at JC Penny. It cost less than fifty bucks, because I have PRINCIPLES and I don't spend a stupid amount of money on stupid things when people are starving in the world, and there are people less than a hundred miles away who can't pay for their medical care."

Them I'll flick the Vs at her, walk off muttering and be a You Tube legend.

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2020: Predictions, round 4.

BEST ACTOR

I'll be honest... I couldn't give a toss about anything in this category.

ACTRESS

Probably Should Be: Helen Mirren (The Last Station) - Probably Will Be: Meryl Streep (Julie and Julia)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Should Be: Stanley Tucci (The Lovely Bones) - Will Be: Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)

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2017: @higginbothamp OK. Gonna have to turn off my PC until the Oscars are over. I view the Oscars the same way Sarah Palin views book learnin'.

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2013: You have GOT to be shitting me. They're going to refer to "Precious: Based On The Novel 'Push' By Sapphire" as the title ALL NIGHT? Give me a friggin' break. Everyone knows what you're talking about, nobody gives a toss what it's based on.

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2010: Predictions, round 3.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Will Be: Mo'Nique (Precious)

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

Should Be: Un Prophete - A Prophet (France)

(not seen the others, or experienced any hype)

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Should Be: Bob Peterson, Pete Docter, Tom McCarthy (Up) - Will Be: Joel Coen, Ethan Coen (A Serious Man)

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2005: Roger Ebert dry-humps the Oscar: http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/bilde?Site=EB&Date=20100307...

Any why not? I paid $20 to see "Knowing". That's sort of what I feel Hollywood did to me.

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2003: Watching the Oscars via The Pittsburgh Channel. Even though I hate Pittsburgh with a burning white-hot passion, because their airport cops are a bunch of wankers who don't get shot at enough, I'm hoping they'll be less incompetent than my local ABC affiliate, who run their TV station in the same way a gang of nuns would run a piss-up.

The broadcast has started, which means we've got at least another 45 minutes before anything happens. Coming next, on ABC's coverage of the academy awards: look how much work it takes to bore me.

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1958: Predictions, round 2.

BEST ANIMATION

Should Be: Up - Will Be: Up

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Should Be: Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche (In the Loop) -Will Be: Geoffrey Fletcher (Precious)
BEST ART DIRECTION

Should Be: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus - Will Be: Avatar

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1954: @BlackCanseco If Mo'nique loses tonight she's gonna throw dishes and furniture at the winner. #basedonatruestory #oscars

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1951: @weecuppatea ffs they're letting Gerard Butler present an award at the #oscars. Stop validating his ludcrous career!

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1948: Predictions, round 1.

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

Should Be: District 9 - Will Be: Avatar

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

Should be: Up (Michael Giacchino) - Will Be: Avatar (James Horner)

BEST COSTUMES

Should Be: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus - Will Be: something that's not The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

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1944: From Mystery Science Theatre/RiffTrax genius Bill Corbett:

@BillCorbett I've opted to watch the OSKARS instead -- a celebration of creepy little German kids with drums.

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1943: ABC are showing a trailer for this season of "Dancing With The Stars". The term "stars" may contravene the trades descriptions act.

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1941: Tweets from Dr Who/Torchwood writer James Moran:

@jamesmoran Interviewer to George Clooney: Hi George! We chatted at the Golden Globes! (like he'll remember) In fairness, he may well remember her unique brand of incompetence and shrieking

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1936: This is why it would be awesome to see "In The Loop" win tonight. Apart from the obvious reasons, natch:

http://carpetbagger.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/07/a-tame-night-for-the-in-the-...

There’s not much that can be reprinted from our dinner with the cast and writers of “In the Loop,” mainly because we were laughing too much to write stuff down. A British satire about a certain war in the Middle East, nominated for a screenplay Oscar, “In the Loop” is known for its bawdiness. The dinner, on Saturday night, was more tame – just a few jokes about Hitler as a motivational speaker and Jeff Bridges’s mustache being the best part of “Crazy Heart” – you know, the usual. And Armando Iannucci, a screenwriter and the director, did note that when Miramax executives wanted to buy “In the Loop” after its Sundance premiere last year on the condition that the filmmakers re-edit it, he told them to go expletive themselves.

“In the Loop” was eventually picked up by IFC, which changed nothing. “It’s the biggest film we’ve ever released,” said Jonathan Sehring, president of IFC Entertainment. “It’s really given me great faith in the system that the Academy would recognize it.”

The movie has almost no chance of winning. “I’d rather lose to ‘An Education,’ ‘District 9’ or ‘Precious,’’” than “Up in the Air,” one of the four screenwriters said (he begged not to be named). Another, Tony Roche, worried that he would embarrass himself on the press line. “To paraphrase a character in the movie, I worry that I will soil myself, give out my PIN number or be outwardly racist,” he said. He thought a minute and added that the PIN number was the least of his worries, “because I’ve spent all my money to come over here and buy a suit.”

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1932: message on chat from my sister:

J: just heard the best ever acceptance speech advice - don't laundry-list, dude
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1930: Some perspective on the important things in life, via back to back tweets from competing news organisations:

@msnbc The 82nd Academy Awards kick off at 8pm ET. We’ll tweet the biggest prizes. Full Oscars coverage: http://bit.ly/97n6bi

@cnnbrk The remains of Amber DuBois, 14, have been found in East County, California http://on.cnn.com/bcMamy

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1929: @ebertchicago

Don't know why Clooney was walking behind the press stand, but he was friendly to fans behind the chain link. They NEVER see anything.

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1924: As you might be aware, I'm not paying any attention to the red carpet nonsense. I mean, really. I'm having enough financial problems at the moment, I really don't care to watch a bunch of pampered arseholes talk about the four million dollar dress they're wearing, or what's in their opulent free gift bags. Besides, I don't think Armano Iannucci will be asked anything, and he's the only person I really care about tonight.

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1919: ABC showing some sort of retrospective Barbara Walters Interviews type show. She just had Mo'nique on a few minutes ago. As you might expect, softballs a-plenty and nothing challenging, like "how de ye no' have a proper bloody name?" Oh, they jsut ran footage of Jimmy Kimmel walking down a staircase BACKWARDS! Bwhahahaha!! COM-ED-DEE! It, like the man himself, was hilarious. </sarcasm>

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1913: Here's a good start, via @SquidyUK, who says "Once again, ladies and gentlemen, the Oscars' worst ever moment: the opening number of The 55th Academy Awards in 1983"


Aw yeah. Check back often this evening. It's only going to get better.

Posted via web from The Paul And Spike Show

2 comments:

The Film Geek said...

Diggin' the live blog. Makes the show more tolerable to watch.

Spike Nesmith said...

haha, thanks! It was fun to do, too. Maybe I'll live blog the World Cup this year.... ;D