Thursday, September 06, 2007

Spike Nesmith Rage Machine: "Fifteen Masturbatory Euphemisms From Mister Merrick"

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There’s something different from last week… can you figure out what it is? Spike tells us about a decade-old agreement he has with the National Organisation For Women and why people call him “Mister Merrick” for a few days every year and “gay” in the summer.

In the news, a little look at some in-fighting in the Democratic primary hopefuls, an emailed rebuttal after Spike’s comments about John Edwards last week, why John McCain is “the tracing-paper candidate”, he discusses a new snowjob book about W’s presidency and why he’s now worried about his historical legacy, and what links JFK to Benny Hill…? Spike, as usual, has the answer.

Finally, what Spike REALLY thinks about Jerry Lewis and drops fifteen… count ‘em… FIFTEEN masturbatory euphemisms. Give this man an award.

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Spike Nesmith said...

For those of you playing at home (woo! you'll go blind!), here are the euphs.

1 - A J. Arthur (rhyming slang for 'wank', derived from movie producer J. Arthur Rank).
2 - A rub and a tug.
3 - A shuffle.
4 - A ham shank (another slice of rhyming slang for 'wank').
5 - "pleasuring himself".
6 - Painting the skirting boards.
7 - Making Kojak cry.
8 - Taking care of business.
9 - Renewing the supply.
10 - Making a delivery at the south gate.
11 - Rubbing one out.
12 - "had his hands full".
13 - "getting the job done".
14 - Trying to get semolina out of a choking worm.
15 - "taking matters into his own hands".

PumpkinSpider said...

Are we going to make the comments for this one a list of everyone's favorite terms/euphs for onanism...?


* knock one out
* bang one out
* the thinking man's sex
* personal service
* magic the beans
* entertaining madame palm and her 5 daughters
* clearing out the tubes/ pipes
* sowing the seeds of love (bet you can't take the Tears for Fears song seriously now)
* throwing potential kids over the thumb


Muze Euterpe said...

14 - Trying to get semolina out of a choking worm.

DAMN!!! I spilled the coffee on that one!

You guys are nuts! LOL

RedZeppelin said...

Ok, even though I was expecting it, I still LOL'd at "ham shank." That just kills me.

J J said...

stabbing the cat, anyone?