Thursday, September 13, 2007

Rage Machine: "Abortion Protests; Jesus; Herpes; James Bond; Missing Kids and LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!"

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LOTS to talk about this week!

Spike is still enraged by the actions of a group of anti-choice protesters and what they tried to show his daughter, he talks exclusively to the man who has the final word; Jesus. He’s disappointed that, being on weekly, he’s late to the party to talk about Britney Spears’ infamously lackluster VMA performance and Chris Crocker’s tearful meme that followed. But that won’t stop him playing it over some really sad music.

Why did Bin Laden dye his beard? Is it some sort of message? Some signal? Is something big about to happen? Spike has a good idea why and does the unthinkable… humanises the terrorist leader. The disappearance of the British four year old girl is still ongoing (and going and going and going), Spike gives an update, drops a “Casablanca” quote and stays quiet for an uncomfortable amount of time to prove a point.

The peanut gallery is quick to cry “HERPES” when Spike talks about his fever blister and why he’s being forced to drink like he’s had a stroke, there’s another welcome rebuttal-o-sense from Brendan The Iremonger ( and when is a hate crime not a hate crime…? That one’s up for discussion.

Spike hands in his Man Card, declares his intense, burning hate for the James Bond franchise and summarises all 22 of the movies in less than a minute. But he LOVES Harry Potter.

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JDB said...

I've heard lots of people who claim to have a personal line to Jesus - but I've never heard someone who got him on tape! Well done.

Spike Nesmith said...

Believe it! =D

He doesn't sound like how he looks, does he?

RedZeppelin said...

I can understand why you hate Bond and love the Harry Potter franchise. Unlike the Bond films, the HP stories aren't formulaic at all...

The only difference between the two franchises is that one has had 22 episodes to wear out the formula, and the other only has a few. Give it time.

But it's really just a matter of preference. As repetitive as the pre-Craig Bond movies are, I'll take cool gadgets and hot chicks over magic wands and talking hats any day. But that's just me.

And even though you hate Bond, you should give the latest film a shot. It throws the old formula out the window and actually portrays Bond the way Flemming created him -- flawed, reckless, and actually human.

There's one scene that epitomizes the attitude of the new Bond. Bond, flustered from an ugly encounter with a baddie, approaches the bar and says "Vodka martini please."

The bartender says "Shaken or stirred?"

Bond replies, "Do I look like I give a damn?"


PumpkinSpider said...

I pretty much loathe the Bond franchise.

In the same way that everyone's favourite Dr Who is usually the one that they first discover on telly when they're growing up, I grew up in the "Roger Moore as James Bond" era...

Hooooo boy, talk about ruining it...

I just couldn't get my head round how an obviously sucking in his stomach and wearing a corset, orange skinned, eyebrow raising, creaky old codger

(a) Could be considered even remotely attractive to and have lots of indiscriminate s*x with any woman he wanted at any time, as all women instantly fell in love with him, even if they seemed like they didn’t like him at first

(b) Could be even remotely considered the best spy in the whole wide world when he always uses his real name and never uses disguises at any time and is not exactly in peak condition fitness-wise

(c) Could act anywhere near well enough to make me suspend my belief sufficiently to think he was actually anywhere near any of the stunts let alone the character actually doing them

So this pretty much tainted my opinion of James Bond - even watching any of the other major franchise ones (big Seen Canary, Prince Barron off of Flash Gordon, or Remington Steele) just seemed like variations on the same old boring 'suave and sophisticated, women want him, men want to be him' theme.


The latest Bond is completely different.

For the first time, the character actually looks like he would keep up in a chase, and would give a pretty decent account of himself in a good old square-go, without resorting to 'ok now just pretend it's really still him' stunt trickery and editing.

The character makes mistakes, gets into bother, and seems like he would do WHATEVER it takes to get the result.
The methods are now the same - the only remaining difference between the good guys and the bad guys is what they are fighting for/ what they believe in.

Isn't that pretty much true to life these days, where one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter is another man's occupying peace-keeping dictator-toppling force...?

Even the stunts, cars, and gadgets seem more realistic – to the extent that I’m sure I heard men weeping in the cinema when he totalled the car… and we’ve all seen ‘parcour’ and free-running to know that the opening sequence is feasibly within the realms of the possible.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is – forget about all previous Bonds.

Wipe the slate clean, and see this one.

Give it a go, and only then compare it to other movies, Bond or otherwise.

Trust me.

And I made my case without even mentioning the very good and strangely attractive actor that is Daniel Craig OR the tiny blue shorts…