Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Reality TV Show Haikus

Oh sure, we could spend pages and pages reviewing the various reality TV shows. But why bother, when we can do it Japanese-stylee?

Starvation island!!
Dump jerks somewhere that's nowhere.
Best place for 'em, right?

The Amazing Race
CBS tells teams,
"have a worldwide vacation!"
Watch from the ghetto.

Big Brother
"Houseguests" all locked in.
Watch them fight and go crazy.
Ikea paid well...

The Surreal Life
Oh look, it's has-beens!
I'd forgot about them all,
and will again soon.

Treasure Hunters
NBC were stuck.
They saw 'The Amazing Race'.
"Let's just copy this."

American Idol
It's a talent show.
Simon Cowell is the best.
and wins the most cash.

America's Got Talent
NBC were stuck
They once saw "Idol".
"Let's just copy this."

The Apprentice
Vying for a job with Trump.
Fire them all, I say!

Last Comic Standing
See them perform now!
Chances are, you won't again!
"last" for a reason.

Hell's Kitchen
More British yelling.
This time, a restaurant's the set.
Good luck getting served!

So You Think You Can Dance
Stroke-faced female host.
Epileptic contestants.
But still, it's good fun.

The Real World
MTV's baby.
Slack Jawed teenagers.
all oxygen thieves.

Fear Factor
This show makes me puke.
It used to be exciting!
Now it's all chewed bugs.

America's Next Top Model
Anorexic cows.
All trying to be hangers.
Binge and purge, repeat.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Click And Comment

This is a bit groovy. Click and Comment mondays, pioneered by blogger Cat, encouraging folks to leave comments on other people's blogs by way of promoting their own. Since no-one has commented on any of my posts since the late 19th century, I thought it was appropriate. Call it guilt. Guilt and loneliness.

I don't have a Blogroll (is that reference even understood by Americans?) and for some reason, any time I've tried to add links to my page, Blogger chokes on the code and never shows it. So this is the best I can do to share the love.

Fame At Last (25 Peeps like me, 25 more than liked me yesterday)

Look who made it to 25Peeps! THIS GUY! ME! w00t, as they say. So hello to everyone who came from there. I wonder if this means I'll get more than half a dozen hits a day...

I don't, for one minute, expect for my masked fizzog to last any more than a day up there, particularly since my picture doesn't feature tits (fake or otherwise). It's a hard life on the internets - what does a man like me have to draw people to his blog? Dazzling wit? Insight? Tits? Nope, none of the above. One of my first posts ever touched on this; people like me, people with no life, no real take on anything and a bust of less than a C-cup are doomed to obscurity in this blogged life. There's no scandal, no sex, no politics (or, at least, very little politics - unusual for a former talk radio guy, huh?) and little more than infrequently updated jabbering that means nothing, solves nothing and does nothing. Hmph.

Oh well, ho-hum. The attention whoring must go on, so if you clicked through 25Peeps, welcome! If you clicked through from any of the other quality blogs that link to me (but, mysteriously, I can't link to - thanks Blogger!) you're also welcome! If you found this blog, as most people seem to, by Googling for "Lazytown" ...well, you're welcome too. You're odd, but you're welcome.

Oh gawd, I wonder if I should start updating this every day. If I fall off 25Peeps' radar, I'd feel nothing but complete irrelevance!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Bwa haa haa haa!

Did you know that Stephen Hawking liked my blog...?

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Monday, June 12, 2006

Ring The Bell, I Am Ivan's Bitch.

This would be a very interesting experiment. [Football + Person Who Misses Watching Football Regularly] divided by [two solid months of football + Thirst] = more beer in a weekend than I've drunk in two years. Yep, old sousy Spikey downed quite a few in celebration of the World Cup this weekend. The beautiful game brings out my inner hooligan. Perhaps we should be thankful I don't live close to any MLS teams.

Scotland didn't qualify (although we do have a representative) which means country adoption is fair game. Yesterday, in the confines of an extremely nice Mexican restaurant, la famille Nez were Mexicans. Although if you ask four year old Spikette, we were supporting "Amexica". (Not too vague a description for the twangy-accented white bloke serving our tacos.) Awesome game - when we arrived at the restaurant, the game was 20 minutes in and even the Mexican staff were less than interested at the nil-all score. "It's a slow game" one of them told me. There was, surprisingly, little celebration when Mexico slid one in the 27th minute. Perhaps because victory was expected. When Iran equalised (IRAN for Gawd's sakes!) eight minutes later, the atmosphere tightened up. It's the first game, it's less important to win because there's catch-up time, but still... Iran. This must be how Brazil felt when they were one nil down against Scotland in the 98 opener. (¡Escocia, para el amor de Dios!) The funny thing about the first half was that it wasn't a very entertaining game. It was high school football grade. Midfield scrapping, shots at goal from the halfway line, off-target shots when they did get close. It was amateur stuff. Perhaps Mexico were complacent because of the perceived skill of their opponents. Perhaps Iran kicked it up a notch because of the actual skill of their opponents. Perhaps both. Whatever the reason, Iran was playing a much tougher game than anyone predicted. Graham Taylor said it best; "we mustn't underestimate the Estonians"...

The second half played out far better. Something happened in the Mexico dressing room - whatever it was, the players for Amexica were playing far better and managed to hammer in two more goals, making the final score a healthy 3-1, and making sure that Amexica were top of group D with a healthy goal difference. And there was much rejoycing at the Amexican restuarant.

Roll on Trinidad and Tobago versus England.